I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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