well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love you.
Bad choice
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
