do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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