i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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