my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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