I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
