Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
