I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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