Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
