you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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