Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
