your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think my fart just growled at me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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