hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
