What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
