1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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