So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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