So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
