My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The adults are the big ones right?
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