Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
