just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
