Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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