I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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