this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
