and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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