Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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