Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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