Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
