She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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