Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize