I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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