tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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