Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
