i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
