She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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