that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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