im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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