Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
