I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
