Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
