dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
