Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
