I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
