i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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