I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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