you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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