My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've blown a few things in my day
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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