I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
