he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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