Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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