my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
