sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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