see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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