u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
