I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
