Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
