You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
