Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
