She is in my trunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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