masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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