Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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