Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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