the condom got lost in my hair
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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